Connecting With People is All About Others

Connecting with people is fundamentally about others. It’s about stepping outside of our own narrative to enter the stories of those we interact with. It’s not a self-serving tactic but a genuine effort to engage with individuals in a meaningful way.   True connection is the art of being present, listening, and contributing to the growth and well-being of others. It’s a selfless act that, paradoxically, enriches our own lives in the process.  

"Pay attention.” Susan Sontag reminds us “It's all about paying attention. Attention is vital.

It connects you with others. It makes you eager. stay eager."  

The Selfless Nature of Connection  

To genuinely connect with others, you must first let go of your ego. It's about putting aside your needs and wants to focus on those of the people you're engaging with.   This doesn’t mean neglecting self-care or personal goals; rather, it's about finding a balance where helping others is as important as helping yourself. When you make conversations about them, their experiences, and their perspectives, you give them the respect and attention that fosters a real connection.  

Listening Intently  

Active listening is at the heart of connecting with others. It involves more than just hearing words; it’s about understanding the emotions and intentions behind them.  

When you listen to understand, not to respond, you give people the space to express themselves fully. This demonstrates that you value their input, which can open doors to deeper communication and stronger relationships.  

Empathy as a Bridge   Empathy allows us to feel what others are feeling, to walk in their shoes, and to see the world from their perspective. When connecting with people, empathy is your bridge to understanding their joys, challenges, and fears.  

By expressing genuine empathy, you signal that you’re with them, not just physically but emotionally, which can significantly strengthen the bond between you.  

Adding Value Selflessly  

When you connect with others, always ask how you can add value to their lives. It could be through support, advice, or even just a listening ear.  

Adding value without expecting anything in return shows that you’re invested in their well-being. This altruistic approach not only benefits them but also builds a foundation of trust and respect that is essential for lasting connections.  

Supporting Growth and Success  

Helping others to grow and succeed is a powerful way to connect. When you invest in their development, whether by mentoring, coaching or simply encouraging their efforts, you make their journey your own. This act of service creates a sense of partnership and shared destiny, further cementing your relationship.  

Celebrating Others  

Celebrating others’ successes and milestones is a joyful aspect of connection. It’s a clear message that you are happy for them and that their achievements matter to you.

Recognition and celebration are forms of validation that everyone appreciates, and when you provide this selflessly, it elevates your connections with others to new heights.  

Inclusivity in Connection  

Inclusivity means making sure that everyone feels seen and heard. It's about recognizing the value of diverse perspectives and experiences. By being inclusive in your efforts to connect, you build a community that is welcoming and supportive. Inclusivity fosters a sense of belonging, which is a powerful way to connect deeply with people from all walks of life.  

Consistency and Reliability  

Being consistent and reliable in your interactions shows that you're committed to the relationship. People trust those who show up for them time and time again. Consistency is key in showing that you care about them, their needs, and the relationship you share.    

The Reciprocal Nature of Selflessness  

While connecting with people is all about others, there is a reciprocal nature to selflessness. When you help others, you often find that help comes back to you in unexpected ways. This isn’t the goal of connecting with others, but it is a beautiful by-product of genuinely investing in the people around you.  

In conclusion, connecting with people is not an act of self-promotion, but one of self-giving.   It requires putting others first, empathizing, actively listening, and adding value without looking for a return. It's about celebrating their achievements, supporting their growth, and being a consistent presence in their lives. By doing so, we not only build stronger, more meaningful relationships but also become part of a community where everyone feels valued and supported. This approach to connection is powerful because it's grounded in the simple yet profound premise that life, at its core, is about what we can do for others, not just for ourselves.  

Matthew Renz | With a three-decade background in corporate sales and leadership with UnitedHealthcare, Matthew brings a passion and energy for personal and professional growth and leadership development. He is a speaker, trainer, and author who packs everything he touches with thought-provoking ideas meant to grow and build relationships. Reach him by email: matthew@matthew-renz.com.